Thursday, December 25, 2008

Finally.. right?

Its On My Mind.

Saturday, March 29, 2008.. That was the last time I wrote in my blog. Just about 39 weeks.. its been 271 Days.. thats 0.7419575633128 years.. or just over 6504 hours.. AKA 390,240 minuets! We're talking over 23,414,400 SECONDS!!! I won't go into the Milliseconds, Microseconds, Nanoseconds... all of that because I'm sure all of you already know that because you have just been counting the Microseconds in hopes of another blog. I'm sorry. I have let you down long enough!

Its Christmas today. er.. well it was when I started typing... wow, 

its getting late. BUT LIFE GOES ON RIGHT!?!?.. moving on. 

In Response

SOYJOY... never heard of them. It has been advertised to the right side of this blog now for a while... thanks to google adds.. (of which I don't think I am actually going to get paid for because I totally forgot my password..) so thank you google adds. 

... YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME GOOGLE!! If your little Google code things that look for key words in my blog would actually LOOK AT THE CONTEXT... they would see that I do NOT like soy OR TOFU!!!! So I'm going to give google some more key words that might help in their ads. 

Soy = Bad

Tofu STINKS!!!

All soy and tofu are disgusting.

Yuck.. soy is gross

Anything that has to do with soy is wrong

When people eat soy, they are causing global warming

All soy is bad for you

You can tell the doctor that your sick from TOFU!!!

Four hundred years ago, people did not eat "Soy dogs".

Real meat is better than tofu

Only lactose intolerant people should eat soy

Most tofu will kill you if you eat too much

Some say that soy is the number one killer of gold fish...

Of course they are wrong.. but soy is still a killer

You didn't catch my subtle message about soy just now did you?

Left Overs

For "Left Overs" today, I'm going to show you a glimpse of what goes on in my head when traveling. Back a few months ago when, (you guessed it) we were traveling, I decided to open my gorgeous macbook and start typing anything and everything that popped into my head so I could look back later on and see just how fruity I am. You have the pleasure and honor of seeing a letter to myself. Buckle up. 

"Ok, um..  I'm in the car right now... and for science... I'm going to let my brains gush forth freely...  actually.. I'm going to change that to my "mind" because frankly "brains" gushing forth isn't to appitizing... and how can you not think about food at a time like this?! Right? Ed? huh? yeaha. Oh, right. I have done so much typing today already.. almost 3 hours strait now. Snap. My battery is almost gone... I need to plug it it. There. Thats better. Sweet relief. We went to a restaurant yesterday that was disgusting. Its times like that, that I wish I was one of those big bad secrete agent FDA people. I had 2 different hairs in my eggs, Josh had a hair in his ice cream... they didn't give me a choice on what I wanted to drink, they just gave me moldy water. ok, exaggeration.. the water wasn't moldy. The food was outrageously priced givin the circumstances. Although, I did manage to work around the loophole. not to brag, but I ordered two side dishes... (two eggs, toast, sausage, chicken and dumpling soup and mashed potatoes) and it was like three bucks. My meal was bigger than anyone else in my family and they paid 8 bucks for theirs!  I'm thinking maybe the cook caught on to my brilliant scheme and put the hairs in my food. Gotta be it. but I already knew that.. so why am I telling myself this?!? I actually didn't think I had allot I was thinking about, but now that I think about it.. I'm thinking about allot. Why pray tell... can we only go 70mph on this freeway? The van speedometer goes to like 130mph. Can't they make an "enter at your own risk maniac lane"!?! I think I'm going to invent one. And why is it that little kids have to use the bathroom right AFTER we pass the rest areas? and why do they call them "Rest areas"? If I was naming them.. I'd call it "relief areas". Why do the people sitting in the front seat deiced to turn the radio on.. just when I put my ear buds in!?!? Its true, I am capable of listening to two different things at once, but I don't like to show off... 

I'm munching on Burger King fires (The place with the "M" made out of french fries.. you know what place I'm talking about... is stupid.. boycott them) and sipping on a Green Apple Jones soda. The little saying on the bottle cap is "wear a shirt inside out". sweet... I gotta try that.. on purpose. People will be like "why are you wearing your shirt inside out" and I'll be like "dude... where have you been? its in now.". yeah. 

I feel sorry for you poor saps who get headaches if you don't get your coffee. I can drink decaf out of pure love of the flavor.... and be happy. Its great. I just thought of that because... I actually don't know why. It just came to me. 

I was just about to take another sip of my Jones.. but then Jim was like "wait wait wait wait".... and I was like thinking "huh?" and then we went over a bridge thing, and you know how there is a bump before and after the bridge on the freeway? .. duh.. of corse I do.. Well anyway.. he was like "ok you can drink it now. I just didn't want you to take a sip on the bridge because I just about chipped my tooth just now on the bump". My brother is awesome. 

We are now driving on "Race Road". coincidence? 

There is a tree off in the distance that looks like a pirate ship... either that or a upsidown rotten dead sick starving tofu eating carnivorous rundover chipmunk...

I have this gut feeling that there are these demented aliens following our car with the soul purpose of steeling my Jones...

Someone just told me to keep my eyes open for 271... and I was like "wait, seconds or minuets".. and they just looked at me like I was nuts. Turns out, they are looking for highway 271.. who would have known right? I think this is enough for the study.. don't you? Well of corse I do...."

Back Feed

Here, I mentioned that it is in fact wrong to kill a dead hippopotamus's baby that is dead... Well, as of right now.. I'm taking that back. Because its almost 2009, and 2009 is "TI" spelled numerically .. and "TI" could stand for "Tolerate Ironicness" And killing a dead hippos dead baby is Ironic right?

Wisdom of Words

Do not trust the man who tells you to eat a fire pepper before singing on stage.. 

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Stomach minded

Its On My Mind.

I was thinking about whats actually on my mind... so thinking about what is on my mind.. is on my mind. Actually now thinking about thinking about whats on my mind is on my mind because I just had to think about that to type this.... doh, now I'm thinking about typing about thinking about thinking about whats on my mind in the "Its On My Mind" part of this blog... cupcakes. those are good.
So anyways,... I WAS thinking about what was on my mind.. but I didn't really know exactly how to define "my mind". Is it my brain? Is it my stomach? So I had to look that one up. Come to find out... It actually is possible that my mind is my stomach. Thats where I do most of my "decision making" from and such. I also think better on a full stomach.. coincidence? I think not! Now, I have a feeling I have more than one mind (which has to be the reason for this extreme brilliants) Oh my word... I suddenly have the intense urge to look up "stomach" in the dictionary!!! ..
I wonder if you can yodel while whistling? Whodeling... Lets all try it and see if it works.. ready? 1.. 2... 3 GO. ...........HA, got ya! you all tried it and people walking past thought you were strange! NOT ME! I didn't try it... hahahah. Cheese cake! I actually didn't get any satisfaction out of that having not seen you do it...

In Response

What do you think of when you think of a Stomach? A cow? A diet? Food? Cake? Sandwich? Ice Cream? Eggs? Bacon? Cheese? Lemons? Photoshop? A giant Liger? Throwing mashed potatoes at people knee caps? Painting "Pizza is azziP spelled backwards" on peoples car windshields? Stocking telamarketers? Oh and CHECK THIS OUT. I told you mac was good.

Left Overs

Have you ever noticed how impossible it would be for the owners of Clifford the Big Red Dog to raise him under normal sercomstanses©? (Now that was a good one.. the spell checker didn't even have any suggestions for it) Well they cant pull the wool over my eyes! I see whats going on! Emily Elizabeths dad is the head of the Mafia and he uses stolen money to pay for food and cement truck loads of itch ointment and dog hair removal experts and waist disposal units and pet insurance and those sardines he gets secretly to munch on while the rest of his family is sleeping.. and hotels and privet yachts ... AND did you know that Emily Elizabeth had to have surgery so that she wouldn't faint every time Clifford burped in her face or licked her!?
The next door neighbors actually live there because they were in trouble with the law and living next to Clifford is punishment. The reason everyone is so nice to the big red dog is because.. well.. isn't that funny how blood IS THE EXACT SAME COLOR!?!?! you get the point.

Back Feed

Last blog post was sorta lame... hows that for Back Feed©®? Oh, MAN! Now I'm hungry!!!

Wisdom of Words

It is an ancient proverb... wise men don't feed BlueRay® players to their pet ostrich.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Why frogs are really green

Its On My Mind

I have been thinking of odd things today... like naming random things.
Ok, so your out one night looking through your telescope... and you discover a giant astroid headed for earth. Scientists predict that it will completely destroy mankind... what would you name it? I'm thinking I would name mine "Cuddles" or "firry friend" or something..... NO NO, better yet... "The Liberal"

In Response

I bet THESE GUYS favorite color is red....

Left Overs

I don't have any left overs today.. bummer. I don't have much of anything really.. I just don't want to get out of the groove of posting...

Back Feed

Ok so yesterday I said "Enchanted" only gets 4 out of 10 stars... I'm going to make that 6 out of 10! It was good until the lady started acting "more human" close to the end... then it went downhill. Just wanted to get that off my chest... Another thing I want to get off my chest while I'm at it... When I was little I told a lady I didn't like her casserole... I... I... I lied. It was amazing!

Wisdom of Words

it is a fool who admites to himself that food is over rated.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Its On My Mind

So I'm attempting to revive the brilliant manuscripts which have for some time now been forgotten about by yours truly. (me). Some would venture to call these wondrous pages of literature "art". Others would go on to call them "Grand masterpieces in which immense brilliance took place on the writers part."So much so, have these great mind musing works of astounding thought compilations been forsaken, that at this very moment I am only endeavoring to revisit the bowels of these magnum-opus's because of shear lack of a present activity. My work is done elsewhere and I only wait... wait till the time when the phone line is free so I can check my email.. dude.
Because of my present circumstances, my mind borders on emptiness... therefor... this might be interesting. OK, I think I'm just going to pretty much jot down what pops in my head for all of our sakes. Wait... I was already doing that...
..... Yes, I think people look absolutely ridiculous when they take off their sox and yell "SAY HI TO MY FRIEND TOMMY THE PUPPET" and no I never have liked squash with maple syrup. Sure Johnny Depp is cool.... like a dead frozen fish... Yes I like egg-rolls.. its food isn't it!?!? Swallowing Gold fish before taking your pills is cheating... besides dork.. what does that have to do with anything? Some times when I cough, I cover my mouth with my feet... actually... not. Yes Soap is edible... if your some kind of freak... and who cares about that one thing!? did that ever stop John Wane?!? I wonder what that thing is behind you... I used to think the kind of toothpaste I used was directly related to the smell of my breath... dumb. Why don't people call wallets "money holder folder pocket things" "Let me grab my MHFPT before we go". If you don't like getting your picture taken, why even show your face in public? "I sat on a spring by a spring in the Spring"... hey cool, looky looky what I made up. Chicken tastes like frog legs.

In Response

I was reading this article.. thinking.. man, thats one brilliant guy.. finally a good use for dead cats. What a perspiration... I mean inspiration... I think I'm going to find out how to use cats as a substitute for baking soda! I would encourage everyone reading this to find your very own use for dead cats.
(By the way, I believe a Pence is about 1.33 cents. If its not... It should be! Therefor 15 Pence would be somewhere around $0.1995)

Left Overs.

So I was going to see "I am Legend" finally... which I was sorta looking forward to because of all these people telling me it was.. interesting.. SO, I went to the rental place.. and looked and looked for it... and then I remembered mom wanted to see "Enchanted" so I picked that up.. and kept looking for "I am Legend" but it was rented out! So.. I show up to the register with this chick-flick.. and nothing else... it was awkward. So heres the thing... I ended up watching the movie with the rest of the fam at dinner time. The first part was cheesy.. the middle was fine.. then it all went wacked near the end part of the movie. I would rate it 4 out of 10. OH, but my favorite character was Edward of course.. bet you don't know why :P But get this. The guy that acted the part is the son of one of my dads bizz partner dudes. So I'm practically one of his friends... you know.. even though I have never met him or his dad... all I would have to say is "Hey whats up dude? My dad works with your dad! Wanna give me some of your money since your probly filthy rich and I'm practically family?" I have it all planned out. But I think the movie over all was stupid. I don't like chick flicks...
Dude, I said "so" allot just now didn't I.

Back Feed

Merry Christmas!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! Happy Valentines day!!! Happy Easter/Reserection Sunday!!! Happy Birthday!!! Happy what ever i missed!!!
Ok, so last time I did anything in this it was December 1st. I decided to make like a hotdog and CATCHUP on my posts... hahahaha oh oh oh pffff guhuguguhahaah. *sigh*

Wisdom of Words

If a kid kicks you in the shin, don't cry in front of him.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

I have a Title this time.

On My Mind

Food isn't on my mind A WHOLE lot this time.. since I just ate... but tracfone and spelling is on my mind. Other wise food would be on my mind... but tracfone yeah. The first thing that bugs me.. is that "tracfone®" beat me to the writes to phone being spelled "fone", which really bugs me. Never the less.. I'm proud to use a company who appreciates good spelling. My first phone was a tracfone. I got it like 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 years ago... some where pretty blasted close to that... and as soon as I got my Verizon phone, I gave my tracfone to mom. So, it has managed to stay active for the last 7 or 6 or 5 or 4 or 3 or 2 or 1 years that I have had it.. Until... just about 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 months ago. I remember like it was yesterday. Mom didn't get it activated on time. SOOO, these 7 or 6 or 5 or 4 months later, I have come to the aid of my mother, and have saved the day once again and activated that bad boy. But it wasn't that easy see.... about 9 or 8 or 7 or 6 days ago, I tried to activate it online.. to no avail. There was something tofuish© about their web page. So I called the hotline and everything was "under control". After about 45 min of talking to a tracfone person (with a really awkward accent) She assured me that I would have an activated phone within hours and that I was well on my way to joy and happiness. Oh yeah, before I go on.. about 1 or 2 or 3 hours before I called, I bought 60 units of time, and a double-your-minuets time card.. making it 120 units. So that costed a little bit of money.. ok fine, that costed allot of money. So where was I? Oh yeah. I wait 1 hour.. nothing. I wait another hour.. nothing. So I call back.. and by this time it was like 8:30pm. So a different lady is on.. and she tells me to call back on Monday because all the other office thingys are closed and what not, so I said fine and called back on monday. To make a long story... not as long, I ended up calling about 6 more times within the next week and a half to get this thing activated, but nothing would ever work. The phone said that I needed to buy new air time by 01/01/2001... go figure. So FINALLY... I called tonight, and I told the lady that I just want to put the money back on my credit card and forget the whole thing. but noooooo, she was like.. "let me speak to my supervisor so I can assist you, May I ask you to stay on hold for 2 min? ok one second. (go figure) So I hold for 3 minuets, and she gave me this code to enter in.. and PRESTO!!! IT WORKS NOW! so I have learned a very valuable lesson... but I better save that for the "Wisdom of words" portion of the blog.

In Response

From: So There I Was "Echo...echo...echo..." Saturday, November 24, 2007

I have seen the logic in doing the whole "black Friday" thing. Its very simple actually. You get to witness sweet old grandmothers hit people with their walkers and get nasty. Its priceless. Also the look of the employee's face at walmart when he's about to let in a huge mob of half dead people that are still standing because of coffee...
And then when you get to be a grandmother (sorry guys, this doesn't apply to us) You get to hit people with your walker... its so festive... and right before you have to start being nice to everyone closer to Christmas time.

Left Overs

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Bob. Bob liked eating miracle whip sandwiches and doing math and singing in the shower... but most of all, Bob liked mixing extremely dangerous chemicals with his "lab rats" water. One day, Bob mixed a few things together, put them in "Henry the 79th's" water dispenser (all Bob's albino rats were named Henry) and left to go count how many chipmunks he could hit with his popcorn seed gun he invented days before. When Bob came back... to his surprise, Henry the 79th was gone. This wouldn't have been to surprising given all of the other rats that had gone before and melted... but something here was different. Bob could smell what smelled like orange juice and mustered. Bob... being some what of a weirdo, immediately got out his notebook and recorded the smell as "Orange Juicetard". After intently and impeccably jotting down his observations, Bob decided he would go upstairs to make some "orange Juicetard" because the smell made him thirsty. Up the stairs he went.. turned the corner, and just as he opened the door, a Giant albino rat with yellow eyes and Juicetard breath, and the ability to shoot spider webs grabbed Bob.. and took him away. No one knows where Henry the 79th took Bob to this day. But sometimes when you walk down the road at night past his house, you can still here the screams of what sounds like mice watching a football game.
The End

Ok, heres something you need to try. This morning, I had a glass of apple juice. After drinking it down to about 3 TBSP, I wondered what half and half would taste like mixed with apple juice.. so I put about a tsp in there.. and drank it down. I'm not going to tell you how it tasted.. I want YOU to find out for yourself. Tell me what you think :P

Back Feed

Ok, so this is going to be kind of a fun back feed today.. teehee. I'm going to go over all the time's I have misspelled a word.

-paved bunny trail, Oct 25, 2007
"Someone cursing down the road..." was supposed to read "Someone cruising down the road..." Just want to make that clear so no one gets the wrong Ideas...

-back feed, Nov 19, 2007

"mother crocked..." was supposed to read "mother croaked..." thats right.. she wasn't drunk... she died.

I would have so much more instances if I wasn't such a blasted good speller... :P Now excuse me while I check for spelling errs via fire fox spell checker....

Wisdom of Words

If at first they don't succeed, threaten.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Time is no object

Its On My Mind

So I was thinking allot about the spelling of lasagna ... and how it should be spelled "lazonya" That would be so much easier.. because honestly, when someone tells me to write down what I think I want to eat.... how am I supposed to know how to spell lazonya!?!? I don't!!! But.. I do know how to spell...... "tofu".... and... "ghastly"... hmm.. thats odd...
ya know how sometimes kids think its funny to steal all your snacks when your passing them out? and then there is the teeny bopper girl or boy who is like "oh hahah, aren't they so cute?" I DON'T THINK SO! I JUST WANNA SMACK THE LITTLE ZITS!!! ..... I like kids...
Ever wonder why a story can be so moody when you have your MP3 player set on "shuffle"?
And by Joe, before I die I HAVE to try lion milk! er... I don't know who I would get to milk the thing.. so maybe I'll just stick to horse....

In Response

Yeah, or there's the tango piano teacher chick after drinking V8 Juice and squid oil from concentrate typing a reply on her cats myspace "Love the way you meow.. your so beautiful Blast you have a gorgeous face... cant wait to be with you again.. <3 <3 <3 ~~ +e@rs 0F R@1N<3<3<3
Or the obsessive cool type (like yours truly) who LIKES dots... and they don't like them because they are newbbies either......... but just because...... thats just how cool.........they really are................................yeah..................................!!!!!!!

Paved Bunny Trails

Do you get the idea that I'm just trying to fill up time with this blog in particular? well.. I am. sorry. Guilty.

Left Overs

What does "ragtime" have to do with awesomely swank bouncy music? why couldn't they call it.. "happyTime"? Or "cheeseTime"? or for crying out loud "spongeTime"!?!?

Back Feed

Remember last time when I said I was going to try to say "food" 50 times? Well if you were to lazy to count "not pointing any fingers here :P " YES! I did say food over 50 times. Thats yet another set on notches under my belt. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Wisdom Of Words

Never ride a drunk bull backwards while tattooing "Empty" with red ink on his head.

Monday, November 19, 2007

On My Mind

So I figure its about time I write yet another episode in the bowels of Here I go. Yes I know that didn't make sense what so ever.. but I have been dieing to use "bowels" and "episode" in the same sentence for a long time here.

Once again, food holds the major share of my mind sooo, I'm going to try and use the word "food" in this paragraph at least 50 times... think it can be done? we shall see. So, like I said.. I'm thinking about food... and not just any food.. I'm talking "foOd" food.. the kinda food that sticks to your food basket... Food is such an amazing thing.. as a matter of fact, food will be my new "Sweeetttt"! That food is so food dude... I like it. I wish I had some food right now, because food sure does sound totally fooood... If I could eat any food I wanted to right now, I wouldn't really care what kind of food I ate as long as it was food. Now remember, I'm not talking what most people would refer to as food.. I'm talkin REAL food. Tofu is not food. Tofu is for people who want to deprive themselves of food. Food should not be something we deprive ourselves of, therefor tofu should never be eaten. We need food. Happiness is food. Here's some food for thought... if food was as thick as air, and air was as tasty as food, we would all be born in food. How would you like to be born in food? That brings up a question about food... "if you are born in food, then don't you get the food all icky!? and does that still make it food?" Good question, Food is unlike anything else. What is food for someone or something, isn't always food for someone or something else. Food is always food. If it started out as food, it will always end as food.. tofu never started out as food. So, to answer the question, Yes, it is still food.. just not food fit for people. I'm sure there is some kind of bug that would think it is food.. and I'm sure that once that bug got nice and beefy it would be food to someone tying to prove manlyhood or someone that is hungry for odd but not stupid food sources. Tofu is not even fit for animals. Fat Opossums On Diets don't want to eat too much food. Some people eat F.O.O.D if they are from Louisiana... Doesn't listening to some classical music remind you of food? Speaking of music.. "Food Glorious Food" from Oliver is a really good song. over and food.. I mean out... over and out...
dundundundu copy
Yes, I know I have issues....
I wonder what It would be like to be an old grandma stuck in a lab in Antarctica... who was confined to liver and tofu... and V8 juice... that might kinda stink. And what stinks even more.. is that I'll never know what its like! There is an impossibility in there. A pretty obvious one. Yes thats right... you got it. It would be completely impossible for me to be confined to tofu... It just wouldn't happen.
I wonder why alligators don't team up and take over New York City...

In Response
(from "Teen 2 Teens" Wednesday November 14 2007.)

I have the answer to number 9. I can explain everything.. see, its a conspiracy. Some ancient relatives of Bill Clinton came up with the idea and forced Benjamen Franklin to make it happen. It had to do with oil companies and NASA taking over the world. Every Year, Everyone who has been a president of the united States of America all go to a daylight savings ritual and get "daylight rocks" tattooed on their backs. The reason no one has said anything about this before.. is because they are paid off..

So I got to drive a convertible the other day.. that was pretty cool. I went topless... ok, so I didn't go topless.... the convertible was topless... it was like 40F out anyways... but it was warm enough to put the top down on the car.... yeah. I got a new hair style from the ride.. I don't think I'll keep it though.. mother wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like it either. I once knew this guy who died his hair... true story....

Back Feed

On Thursday October 25 2007, I mentioned what happens when I mess with words that rhyme.. well, heres what happens when I mess with words that rhym.. and then don't finish it.

Many billion years ago, In what we now call France,
There was a creature rare and dumb, that happened there by chance.
Its mother was a dinosaur, its father was a spud,
Most monkeys called it "dino tot" Its mother called him bud.

Before someone got hungry, Bud saw dad all the time,
they used to go evolve for fun, down in the public slime.
Mother crocked and not because she was a giant frog
she tried to eat that tree too fast, it caused a major clog.

Since the events of mom and dad, Bud was sent away,
Nebraska man was his uncle, so there he went to stay.
The thing he learned from uncle pig face, was how to play some ball
He played all day, and never lost, he never seemed to fall.

Word of Bud and football spread, across the infant earth,
Till it fell on Toms new ears, He had heard it during birth.
Thomas was a wild one, he played ball in his sleep,
He challenged Bud to a game, Bud drove there in his Jeep.

Bud didn't want to loose this match, he won the game instead,
Tommy was hysterical he wanted Buddy dead.
Buddy was afraid right now, he wished he would have lost,
For Toms future relatives would kill Bambie and Jack Frost.

A monkey man came by one day, to confront his friend Bud
He told him to go and face his fears, to make Tom chew his cud.
With that, Bud knew he had a job, He'd make Tom fly his white flag,
He built for himself a booby trap, with cookies and a paper bag.

As Tom was waddling along one day, he saw the cookies there,
He knew those things would taste so fine, he ate them with no care.
Just then the trap spring fast, He was trapped inside that paper bag,
and all of a sudden he ripped it and flew away and died... but his ghost still haunts Bud.

The end.

Wisdom of Words

It is wrong to kill a dead hippopotamus's baby that is dead.