Saturday, December 1, 2007

I have a Title this time.

On My Mind

Food isn't on my mind A WHOLE lot this time.. since I just ate... but tracfone and spelling is on my mind. Other wise food would be on my mind... but tracfone yeah. The first thing that bugs me.. is that "tracfone®" beat me to the writes to phone being spelled "fone", which really bugs me. Never the less.. I'm proud to use a company who appreciates good spelling. My first phone was a tracfone. I got it like 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 years ago... some where pretty blasted close to that... and as soon as I got my Verizon phone, I gave my tracfone to mom. So, it has managed to stay active for the last 7 or 6 or 5 or 4 or 3 or 2 or 1 years that I have had it.. Until... just about 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 months ago. I remember like it was yesterday. Mom didn't get it activated on time. SOOO, these 7 or 6 or 5 or 4 months later, I have come to the aid of my mother, and have saved the day once again and activated that bad boy. But it wasn't that easy see.... about 9 or 8 or 7 or 6 days ago, I tried to activate it online.. to no avail. There was something tofuish© about their web page. So I called the hotline and everything was "under control". After about 45 min of talking to a tracfone person (with a really awkward accent) She assured me that I would have an activated phone within hours and that I was well on my way to joy and happiness. Oh yeah, before I go on.. about 1 or 2 or 3 hours before I called, I bought 60 units of time, and a double-your-minuets time card.. making it 120 units. So that costed a little bit of money.. ok fine, that costed allot of money. So where was I? Oh yeah. I wait 1 hour.. nothing. I wait another hour.. nothing. So I call back.. and by this time it was like 8:30pm. So a different lady is on.. and she tells me to call back on Monday because all the other office thingys are closed and what not, so I said fine and called back on monday. To make a long story... not as long, I ended up calling about 6 more times within the next week and a half to get this thing activated, but nothing would ever work. The phone said that I needed to buy new air time by 01/01/2001... go figure. So FINALLY... I called tonight, and I told the lady that I just want to put the money back on my credit card and forget the whole thing. but noooooo, she was like.. "let me speak to my supervisor so I can assist you, May I ask you to stay on hold for 2 min? ok one second. (go figure) So I hold for 3 minuets, and she gave me this code to enter in.. and PRESTO!!! IT WORKS NOW! so I have learned a very valuable lesson... but I better save that for the "Wisdom of words" portion of the blog.

In Response

From: So There I Was "Echo...echo...echo..." Saturday, November 24, 2007

I have seen the logic in doing the whole "black Friday" thing. Its very simple actually. You get to witness sweet old grandmothers hit people with their walkers and get nasty. Its priceless. Also the look of the employee's face at walmart when he's about to let in a huge mob of half dead people that are still standing because of coffee...
And then when you get to be a grandmother (sorry guys, this doesn't apply to us) You get to hit people with your walker... its so festive... and right before you have to start being nice to everyone closer to Christmas time.

Left Overs

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Bob. Bob liked eating miracle whip sandwiches and doing math and singing in the shower... but most of all, Bob liked mixing extremely dangerous chemicals with his "lab rats" water. One day, Bob mixed a few things together, put them in "Henry the 79th's" water dispenser (all Bob's albino rats were named Henry) and left to go count how many chipmunks he could hit with his popcorn seed gun he invented days before. When Bob came back... to his surprise, Henry the 79th was gone. This wouldn't have been to surprising given all of the other rats that had gone before and melted... but something here was different. Bob could smell what smelled like orange juice and mustered. Bob... being some what of a weirdo, immediately got out his notebook and recorded the smell as "Orange Juicetard". After intently and impeccably jotting down his observations, Bob decided he would go upstairs to make some "orange Juicetard" because the smell made him thirsty. Up the stairs he went.. turned the corner, and just as he opened the door, a Giant albino rat with yellow eyes and Juicetard breath, and the ability to shoot spider webs grabbed Bob.. and took him away. No one knows where Henry the 79th took Bob to this day. But sometimes when you walk down the road at night past his house, you can still here the screams of what sounds like mice watching a football game.
The End

Ok, heres something you need to try. This morning, I had a glass of apple juice. After drinking it down to about 3 TBSP, I wondered what half and half would taste like mixed with apple juice.. so I put about a tsp in there.. and drank it down. I'm not going to tell you how it tasted.. I want YOU to find out for yourself. Tell me what you think :P

Back Feed

Ok, so this is going to be kind of a fun back feed today.. teehee. I'm going to go over all the time's I have misspelled a word.

-paved bunny trail, Oct 25, 2007
"Someone cursing down the road..." was supposed to read "Someone cruising down the road..." Just want to make that clear so no one gets the wrong Ideas...

-back feed, Nov 19, 2007

"mother crocked..." was supposed to read "mother croaked..." thats right.. she wasn't drunk... she died.

I would have so much more instances if I wasn't such a blasted good speller... :P Now excuse me while I check for spelling errs via fire fox spell checker....

Wisdom of Words

If at first they don't succeed, threaten.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Time is no object

Its On My Mind

So I was thinking allot about the spelling of lasagna ... and how it should be spelled "lazonya" That would be so much easier.. because honestly, when someone tells me to write down what I think I want to eat.... how am I supposed to know how to spell lazonya!?!? I don't!!! But.. I do know how to spell...... "tofu".... and... "ghastly"... hmm.. thats odd...
ya know how sometimes kids think its funny to steal all your snacks when your passing them out? and then there is the teeny bopper girl or boy who is like "oh hahah, aren't they so cute?" I DON'T THINK SO! I JUST WANNA SMACK THE LITTLE ZITS!!! ..... I like kids...
Ever wonder why a story can be so moody when you have your MP3 player set on "shuffle"?
And by Joe, before I die I HAVE to try lion milk! er... I don't know who I would get to milk the thing.. so maybe I'll just stick to horse....

In Response

Yeah, or there's the tango piano teacher chick after drinking V8 Juice and squid oil from concentrate typing a reply on her cats myspace "Love the way you meow.. your so beautiful Blast you have a gorgeous face... cant wait to be with you again.. <3 <3 <3 ~~ +e@rs 0F R@1N<3<3<3
Or the obsessive cool type (like yours truly) who LIKES dots... and they don't like them because they are newbbies either......... but just because...... thats just how cool.........they really are................................yeah..................................!!!!!!!

Paved Bunny Trails

Do you get the idea that I'm just trying to fill up time with this blog in particular? well.. I am. sorry. Guilty.

Left Overs

What does "ragtime" have to do with awesomely swank bouncy music? why couldn't they call it.. "happyTime"? Or "cheeseTime"? or for crying out loud "spongeTime"!?!?

Back Feed

Remember last time when I said I was going to try to say "food" 50 times? Well if you were to lazy to count "not pointing any fingers here :P " YES! I did say food over 50 times. Thats yet another set on notches under my belt. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Wisdom Of Words

Never ride a drunk bull backwards while tattooing "Empty" with red ink on his head.

Monday, November 19, 2007

On My Mind

So I figure its about time I write yet another episode in the bowels of Here I go. Yes I know that didn't make sense what so ever.. but I have been dieing to use "bowels" and "episode" in the same sentence for a long time here.

Once again, food holds the major share of my mind sooo, I'm going to try and use the word "food" in this paragraph at least 50 times... think it can be done? we shall see. So, like I said.. I'm thinking about food... and not just any food.. I'm talking "foOd" food.. the kinda food that sticks to your food basket... Food is such an amazing thing.. as a matter of fact, food will be my new "Sweeetttt"! That food is so food dude... I like it. I wish I had some food right now, because food sure does sound totally fooood... If I could eat any food I wanted to right now, I wouldn't really care what kind of food I ate as long as it was food. Now remember, I'm not talking what most people would refer to as food.. I'm talkin REAL food. Tofu is not food. Tofu is for people who want to deprive themselves of food. Food should not be something we deprive ourselves of, therefor tofu should never be eaten. We need food. Happiness is food. Here's some food for thought... if food was as thick as air, and air was as tasty as food, we would all be born in food. How would you like to be born in food? That brings up a question about food... "if you are born in food, then don't you get the food all icky!? and does that still make it food?" Good question, Food is unlike anything else. What is food for someone or something, isn't always food for someone or something else. Food is always food. If it started out as food, it will always end as food.. tofu never started out as food. So, to answer the question, Yes, it is still food.. just not food fit for people. I'm sure there is some kind of bug that would think it is food.. and I'm sure that once that bug got nice and beefy it would be food to someone tying to prove manlyhood or someone that is hungry for odd but not stupid food sources. Tofu is not even fit for animals. Fat Opossums On Diets don't want to eat too much food. Some people eat F.O.O.D if they are from Louisiana... Doesn't listening to some classical music remind you of food? Speaking of music.. "Food Glorious Food" from Oliver is a really good song. over and food.. I mean out... over and out...
dundundundu copy
Yes, I know I have issues....
I wonder what It would be like to be an old grandma stuck in a lab in Antarctica... who was confined to liver and tofu... and V8 juice... that might kinda stink. And what stinks even more.. is that I'll never know what its like! There is an impossibility in there. A pretty obvious one. Yes thats right... you got it. It would be completely impossible for me to be confined to tofu... It just wouldn't happen.
I wonder why alligators don't team up and take over New York City...

In Response
(from "Teen 2 Teens" Wednesday November 14 2007.)

I have the answer to number 9. I can explain everything.. see, its a conspiracy. Some ancient relatives of Bill Clinton came up with the idea and forced Benjamen Franklin to make it happen. It had to do with oil companies and NASA taking over the world. Every Year, Everyone who has been a president of the united States of America all go to a daylight savings ritual and get "daylight rocks" tattooed on their backs. The reason no one has said anything about this before.. is because they are paid off..

So I got to drive a convertible the other day.. that was pretty cool. I went topless... ok, so I didn't go topless.... the convertible was topless... it was like 40F out anyways... but it was warm enough to put the top down on the car.... yeah. I got a new hair style from the ride.. I don't think I'll keep it though.. mother wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like it either. I once knew this guy who died his hair... true story....

Back Feed

On Thursday October 25 2007, I mentioned what happens when I mess with words that rhyme.. well, heres what happens when I mess with words that rhym.. and then don't finish it.

Many billion years ago, In what we now call France,
There was a creature rare and dumb, that happened there by chance.
Its mother was a dinosaur, its father was a spud,
Most monkeys called it "dino tot" Its mother called him bud.

Before someone got hungry, Bud saw dad all the time,
they used to go evolve for fun, down in the public slime.
Mother crocked and not because she was a giant frog
she tried to eat that tree too fast, it caused a major clog.

Since the events of mom and dad, Bud was sent away,
Nebraska man was his uncle, so there he went to stay.
The thing he learned from uncle pig face, was how to play some ball
He played all day, and never lost, he never seemed to fall.

Word of Bud and football spread, across the infant earth,
Till it fell on Toms new ears, He had heard it during birth.
Thomas was a wild one, he played ball in his sleep,
He challenged Bud to a game, Bud drove there in his Jeep.

Bud didn't want to loose this match, he won the game instead,
Tommy was hysterical he wanted Buddy dead.
Buddy was afraid right now, he wished he would have lost,
For Toms future relatives would kill Bambie and Jack Frost.

A monkey man came by one day, to confront his friend Bud
He told him to go and face his fears, to make Tom chew his cud.
With that, Bud knew he had a job, He'd make Tom fly his white flag,
He built for himself a booby trap, with cookies and a paper bag.

As Tom was waddling along one day, he saw the cookies there,
He knew those things would taste so fine, he ate them with no care.
Just then the trap spring fast, He was trapped inside that paper bag,
and all of a sudden he ripped it and flew away and died... but his ghost still haunts Bud.

The end.

Wisdom of Words

It is wrong to kill a dead hippopotamus's baby that is dead.

Friday, October 26, 2007

On My Mind

The other day our family was invited to go pick some apples with some friends of ours that go to our church. I had my heart set on picking macs... even though I never did like macs until I got my mac laptop... and now they are like my favorite kind of apple... don't judge me... but anyway, come to find out, all the macs had been picked. Apparently allot of people share my way of thinking.. Couldn't be just because they liked the flavor.
Out of the list of like 4 different kinds off apples we had planned on picking.. all of them had been picked out. (I guess thats how you say that). Thats like a plan A,B,C,D,E,F, and G.. all used up! (I had a few of the apples listed twice on the backup plan... because I didn't think I really needed a backup plan because duh, there would still be plenty of macs left.... Turns out, there were only like two kinds of apples left... Empire being one of them. Since they were cheaper... we decided to go for Empire... but I was pretty pleased about that. Walking down the Empire rows... I couldn't have felt more at home in our house. It was like.. I was destined to walk down the Empire rows... and eat Empires.... Empire is such a cool word... and, 5-13-16-9-18-5 is even cooler. (thats "Empire" spelled using numbers). So you know how some people are on death row? well I was in "Empire Row"...
Oh and I'm pretty sure plastic spoons were never designed to scoop out Icecream..

In Response
There is no In Response today.. unless you want to check THIS SWANK SITE OUT. Just make sure you have the latest version of Quick Time.

Back Feed

In last time's "Its on my mind"˙©® I was going to post a picture of the fly's that got stuck... but never did. I was also going to call them "Flies with no brains" but then I got to thinking... do flies even have brains? So I looked it up... and yes.. they do have brains surprisingly... but here's the picture.


Oh and.. whats up with all these people now days.. smoking and drinking.. and lighting cats on fire... and voting for democrats?!

Wisdom Words

He who eats tofu, has no taste buds... and vise versa.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Its on my mind

I was looking out the window of our house... and I saw this abandoned spider web in the corner completely full of little tinny flies. It was as if the flies were like.. "hey Bob man.. you gotta see this dude... call all the guys over here... there's an abandoned spider web.. lets all get stuck Woooooo!" and then after they all got stuck.. they were like "Oh snap... we're stuck... " and they just all died. Can you imagine if a spider still lived there? Woohoo, that would be like.. a thousand egg rolls sitting on your table.. ya know?

In Response

Mega dittos on "a whiter shade of pale".
Don't you hate it when you have to ask all the questions in order to keep a conversation going.. if you can call that a conversation... and the hopes you have of a chain reaction from one event to another with enthusiasm and interest is blown to pieces? For instance:

Y = You T = Them
Y: Hey, hows it going?
T: Good
Y: Nice weather today isn't it?
T: Sure, I guess...
Y: So what have you been up to?
T: Oh, nuthin much....
Y: Thats a nice shirt... where did you get it?
T: The store....
Y: .... sooo... how long are you staying here again?
H: Don't know....
Y: Wanna go do something? Play ball or frisbee?
T: uhhhh... no thanks...
Y: Want something to eat?
T: if you got food...
Y:... yeah...
H: *yawn*
Y:Aren't these peaches great!? I got them on sale down at price chopper
T: hmm... Peaches aren't my favorite...

Y: have you ever used photoshop?
T: no....
Y: What kinda stuff are you interested in?
T: All kinds of stuff...

Y:............... are you going to eat that?

see, Its always good to have equal verbal time.

Back Feed

I have solved the Honey problem I mentioned yesterday... I put peanut butter on another piece of toast, and then smushed them together.. no more problem.
Unless of course I eat it while I'm text messaging someone and photoshopping... I have to figure that one out still.

Paved Bunny Trail
[disclaimer] Some times I like to go on bunny trails... and I know thats not good.. so.. instead of ruining a topic, I'll just kinda break off it with this. I know I know.. you don't have to thank me....

Speaking of honey getting on your phone when your text messaging... I just heard on the Paul Harvey Show today that someone got a picture of someone cursing down the road .. While text messaging and tanning their left foot (it was hanging out the window).. I want to see that picture... quick, someone show it to me.


I've been messing around with words that rhyme... fun stuff... and out of the trillions of works of uniquetisity © I have done.. most of them don't make it to the publics eyes.... mostly because they aren't worth it. Take for instance this poem.

Dearest Mother Martha, Sister Mary's lovely mother.
Tis sure you know me well by now, for I could be no other.
How's life there in the Abby? Wow, I hope its going grand,
My monks life is hard, and the food here tastes like sand.
From dawn till dusk I hear confessions, same ones every day,
But yours by far, have got them beat, I really have to say.
Your penitence amuses me, your sincerity is sincere
But its just so unbelievable; or so says the fictioneer.
Take heart and know you aren't the worst, I'll give you an example
Like IDK LOL, my BFF Larry likes BBQ on fridays dude.
I told him "eat tofu or fish", but he just would not comply,
He said "meat is a necessity, and the friday thing my eye".
Enough with you lets move right on, I wrote you for a reason,
Your daughter to my eyes you see, is really very pleasin'.
Her cooking is sensational, and she's really good at math,
She even washed my toad for me, in'a giant bubble bath.
Flowers I did pick for her, the kind they call rag weed,
Told her that I love her, with that flowery good deed.
I know you don't find favor with the two of us together,
But if you do not let us wed, you'll hear of it forever.
If your daughter was a food you see, I think she'd be an anjou
she's got high speed internet, AND she's into football! woohoo!
In other words, I find her very attractive and she's a very nice person...
she's very sensitive and polite and to top that all off she's a jesuit...
Oh and I like her cooking...
But enough about her, back to you.
Working the confessions booth really has its pluses, see,
The things you tell me are quite juicy.. wouldn't you agree?
I'm sure you'll find it in your heart to let her be my bride,
I swore your secretes would be safe... Sorry but I lied.
Say hi to paul and Joanna, Marcus, bob and ben,
have a good day and by the way, don't get stuck in the dishwasher again.

.... now you know why I call this.. "leftovers" ©® ......

Wisdom of Words

It is a foolish man who tries to jump over a sky scraper.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Pretty cool title eh?

Its On My Mind.

So right now, I'm just kinda chillen outside with my laptop which is very cool... its like really windy and... chilly out here.. and leaves are falling and blowing in my face... but I TOTALLY LOVE it. Probly all my best best best memories are in the fall... maybe not ALL of them.. but a good share of them. So thats pretty much the big thing thats on my mind... Oh, and why is it... that when ever I eat a piece of toast with honey on it... all I worry about is eating it fast so that the honey doesn't drip every where.. and when I eat Icecream, I'm only worried about the amount I have left.. like.. "oh snap, I only have give or take 5 more bites left.. at 7 seconds a bite, thats approximately 35 seconds of icecream left which is about 105.0778 seconds less than I had to start out with... maybe I should keep it in my mouth for 10 seconds so I can up it to 50 seconds.. or say 12 seconds.. thats an even minuet.. or I could just take half sized bites and keep the 7 second mouth time.. that would give me 70 seconds of icecream time... but then again, with that much less.. I had better compromise and hold it in for only 6 seconds a bite giving me 60 more seconds to worry about how much time I have left before I run out of icecream...." Is this problem unique to me, or does anyone else find themselves sacrificing enjoyment for unemployment...I mean worry?

oh and about my web address....
As I'm sure you've seen, the Uniform Resource Locator [pretty cool eh?] of my blog is "" AKA "This one is taken man". The reason for this is because I spent like.. allot of time trying to get a URL that no one had taken... and finally I tried this one, and it worked... which is good. *Paul Harvey voice* And now you know... the first part of the story.

In Response.
[Disclaimer] I decided to incorporate other peoples blogs into mine.. so if your post is chosen to be responded to.. feel honored. (actually.. I just think you have an original idea or I like what your talking about..)
The Day I Met Santa (from "So There I Was...")

I too have seen Santa... He came into Ace one day and gave all the paint guys candy.. what a kind jolly man he is.. but don't let his generosity fool you. All of the toys that are brought to millions of kids every year... are pirated! Thats right, someone wants a playstation 3... Santa and his gang put together a pirated playstations... and plop them in front of your tree. And where do they get the parts and materials for all this? Easy... Its the Mexicans and French in a combined effort. The Mexicans sneak across the border, and steal raw materials! No one knows what the French do... but they're in on it. This means, that the thousands of "playstations" that are pirated every year by Mr. Kringle are taking away money from Sony! Millions of dollars a year... thats just wrong folks. Think about that next time you put your cookies out... maybe put some x-lax in there to kinda send Good old Poppa Nicholas a message.

Back Feed
[Disclaimer] You know how magazines sometimes have a section in the front where you can give feedback and stuff to previous articles from like last months magazine... and you don't have last months magazine.. and you wish you did so you could see what in the world the feedback is talking about? Well I was kinda thinking as I do sometimes... maybe I should make my blog like that... ya know, so if people didn't read the post from yesterday or last week or something.. they will be missing out and they will have to go back and read what they missed... Its kinda brilliant if you ask me. I think I will.. only it won't necessarily be feedback.. I'll call it... "back feed"... It will be more like.. "remember back in such and such.. when I said such and such..." yeah, thats it.

OoooOOkkkey Got one! on my last blog post thing what ever you call it... I said "I'm just going to clear my own path here and see were it goes".... instead of "where it goes"... there was some other typos in there too... I wish I had an editor so I could blame it on him....

I know that wasn't a very good "Back Feed" ©® but it was a starter ok!?!

[Disclaimer] "Leftovers" ©® is just what it says... leftover umph from my brilliance that I need to get rid of before I become to powerful and blow up the world....

ok soo....
I don't know if its like a big deal or anything.. but at the bottom of each post it tells the time it was posted, and its like three hours off. I didn't post my last post at 5:09am.... it was 8:09am New York time.

Wisdom of Words. (saying)
[Disclaimer] I just figured since I have a disclaimer on most everything else.. I might as well have one on "Wisdom of Words"©® By the way, all Wisdom of Words are from yours truly.. I don't know weather to be proud of that, or if I need a snickers or an airline ticket or something.

Don't turn the other cheek if your "friend" squashes your photoshop disk...
Out of the many blogs I have read, not one is alike... which doesn't help me out when I try to figure out what a blog should be. So, I'm just going to clear my own path here and see were it goes. I'll probly start out with "whats on my mind" and see how I'm feeling after that.
So, My bro and I are supposed to come up with some games for a fall festival that our church is having. I'm really excited about this, but I had planned on picking the games last week... and I didn't... and I need to get them like before this next week... So all these Ideas are flashing through my head.. but I don't think allot of them will work.. for instance, I don't think the more mature crowd would appreciate the burping contests... and as sad as it may be, 2nd graders aren't entertained by photoshop skills wars.... I thought about switching the apples to frogs in the apple dipping contest to kinda shake things up a bit... and the donut on a rope game to onion rings, but less imaginative people just give me the cold shoulder.. I'm afraid I'm gonna get fired.
That isn't all thats on my mind though... I'm kinda hungry. I threatened to live with my mommy until I turn 63 if she didn't give me that last bit of ice cream the other night... and I'm still bothered that she didn't let me have it. I don't want to be known as "the guy that backed down"... so I'm kinda thinking I'm going to have to stand firm and live here till I'm 63. And another thing that struck me as odd... when I told that to mom... she sorta was like.. "um noooaaa... HIT THE ROAD JACK!!! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR PITIFUL FACE AGAIN! AND DON'T BOTHER SENDING ME PICTURES OF YOU KIDS.. IF YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE STUPID ENOUGH TO MARRIED YOU... BECAUSE IF THEY ARE AS UGLY AS YOU, I'LL GET THOSE BAD HEADACHES AGAIN!!!" ... thats actually not exactly what she said.. I just wanted to make it more interesting... But the whole idea of her wanting me to eventually leave the house was haunting! I mean think about it... she doesn't want to be with me ALL the time!!! What kind of mother is that!?!?!? Ah, and before I go on.. my brother is handing me a Motorcycle Manual for a road test... [good work Jim... now I want the Stubibrain file on my desk by tomorrow and I want to know every where Bill Clinton has eaten for the last 80 years...]
So like, I call my little sister doll face some times... and now she calls me baby face... what goes on in the mind of a 2 year old... I need to figure that out.. maybe I need to like... become obsessed with it... I need to be obsessed with something other than photoshop.... And another thing that is on my mind... why do I use dots and run-on sentences instead of periods and exclamation points like normal civilized people....
Thats pretty much whats on my mind... now I think I should have like a saying or something... something that will benefit man kind... hmmm... ok, got one.
"if someone offers you a wooden nickel, sue them"