Thursday, December 25, 2008

Finally.. right?

Its On My Mind.

Saturday, March 29, 2008.. That was the last time I wrote in my blog. Just about 39 weeks.. its been 271 Days.. thats 0.7419575633128 years.. or just over 6504 hours.. AKA 390,240 minuets! We're talking over 23,414,400 SECONDS!!! I won't go into the Milliseconds, Microseconds, Nanoseconds... all of that because I'm sure all of you already know that because you have just been counting the Microseconds in hopes of another blog. I'm sorry. I have let you down long enough!

Its Christmas today. er.. well it was when I started typing... wow, 

its getting late. BUT LIFE GOES ON RIGHT!?!?.. moving on. 

In Response

SOYJOY... never heard of them. It has been advertised to the right side of this blog now for a while... thanks to google adds.. (of which I don't think I am actually going to get paid for because I totally forgot my password..) so thank you google adds. 

... YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME GOOGLE!! If your little Google code things that look for key words in my blog would actually LOOK AT THE CONTEXT... they would see that I do NOT like soy OR TOFU!!!! So I'm going to give google some more key words that might help in their ads. 

Soy = Bad

Tofu STINKS!!!

All soy and tofu are disgusting.

Yuck.. soy is gross

Anything that has to do with soy is wrong

When people eat soy, they are causing global warming

All soy is bad for you

You can tell the doctor that your sick from TOFU!!!

Four hundred years ago, people did not eat "Soy dogs".

Real meat is better than tofu

Only lactose intolerant people should eat soy

Most tofu will kill you if you eat too much

Some say that soy is the number one killer of gold fish...

Of course they are wrong.. but soy is still a killer

You didn't catch my subtle message about soy just now did you?

Left Overs

For "Left Overs" today, I'm going to show you a glimpse of what goes on in my head when traveling. Back a few months ago when, (you guessed it) we were traveling, I decided to open my gorgeous macbook and start typing anything and everything that popped into my head so I could look back later on and see just how fruity I am. You have the pleasure and honor of seeing a letter to myself. Buckle up. 

"Ok, um..  I'm in the car right now... and for science... I'm going to let my brains gush forth freely...  actually.. I'm going to change that to my "mind" because frankly "brains" gushing forth isn't to appitizing... and how can you not think about food at a time like this?! Right? Ed? huh? yeaha. Oh, right. I have done so much typing today already.. almost 3 hours strait now. Snap. My battery is almost gone... I need to plug it it. There. Thats better. Sweet relief. We went to a restaurant yesterday that was disgusting. Its times like that, that I wish I was one of those big bad secrete agent FDA people. I had 2 different hairs in my eggs, Josh had a hair in his ice cream... they didn't give me a choice on what I wanted to drink, they just gave me moldy water. ok, exaggeration.. the water wasn't moldy. The food was outrageously priced givin the circumstances. Although, I did manage to work around the loophole. not to brag, but I ordered two side dishes... (two eggs, toast, sausage, chicken and dumpling soup and mashed potatoes) and it was like three bucks. My meal was bigger than anyone else in my family and they paid 8 bucks for theirs!  I'm thinking maybe the cook caught on to my brilliant scheme and put the hairs in my food. Gotta be it. but I already knew that.. so why am I telling myself this?!? I actually didn't think I had allot I was thinking about, but now that I think about it.. I'm thinking about allot. Why pray tell... can we only go 70mph on this freeway? The van speedometer goes to like 130mph. Can't they make an "enter at your own risk maniac lane"!?! I think I'm going to invent one. And why is it that little kids have to use the bathroom right AFTER we pass the rest areas? and why do they call them "Rest areas"? If I was naming them.. I'd call it "relief areas". Why do the people sitting in the front seat deiced to turn the radio on.. just when I put my ear buds in!?!? Its true, I am capable of listening to two different things at once, but I don't like to show off... 

I'm munching on Burger King fires (The place with the "M" made out of french fries.. you know what place I'm talking about... is stupid.. boycott them) and sipping on a Green Apple Jones soda. The little saying on the bottle cap is "wear a shirt inside out". sweet... I gotta try that.. on purpose. People will be like "why are you wearing your shirt inside out" and I'll be like "dude... where have you been? its in now.". yeah. 

I feel sorry for you poor saps who get headaches if you don't get your coffee. I can drink decaf out of pure love of the flavor.... and be happy. Its great. I just thought of that because... I actually don't know why. It just came to me. 

I was just about to take another sip of my Jones.. but then Jim was like "wait wait wait wait".... and I was like thinking "huh?" and then we went over a bridge thing, and you know how there is a bump before and after the bridge on the freeway? .. duh.. of corse I do.. Well anyway.. he was like "ok you can drink it now. I just didn't want you to take a sip on the bridge because I just about chipped my tooth just now on the bump". My brother is awesome. 

We are now driving on "Race Road". coincidence? 

There is a tree off in the distance that looks like a pirate ship... either that or a upsidown rotten dead sick starving tofu eating carnivorous rundover chipmunk...

I have this gut feeling that there are these demented aliens following our car with the soul purpose of steeling my Jones...

Someone just told me to keep my eyes open for 271... and I was like "wait, seconds or minuets".. and they just looked at me like I was nuts. Turns out, they are looking for highway 271.. who would have known right? I think this is enough for the study.. don't you? Well of corse I do...."

Back Feed

Here, I mentioned that it is in fact wrong to kill a dead hippopotamus's baby that is dead... Well, as of right now.. I'm taking that back. Because its almost 2009, and 2009 is "TI" spelled numerically .. and "TI" could stand for "Tolerate Ironicness" And killing a dead hippos dead baby is Ironic right?

Wisdom of Words

Do not trust the man who tells you to eat a fire pepper before singing on stage.. 

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Stomach minded

Its On My Mind.

I was thinking about whats actually on my mind... so thinking about what is on my mind.. is on my mind. Actually now thinking about thinking about whats on my mind is on my mind because I just had to think about that to type this.... doh, now I'm thinking about typing about thinking about thinking about whats on my mind in the "Its On My Mind" part of this blog... cupcakes. those are good.
So anyways,... I WAS thinking about what was on my mind.. but I didn't really know exactly how to define "my mind". Is it my brain? Is it my stomach? So I had to look that one up. Come to find out... It actually is possible that my mind is my stomach. Thats where I do most of my "decision making" from and such. I also think better on a full stomach.. coincidence? I think not! Now, I have a feeling I have more than one mind (which has to be the reason for this extreme brilliants) Oh my word... I suddenly have the intense urge to look up "stomach" in the dictionary!!! ..
I wonder if you can yodel while whistling? Whodeling... Lets all try it and see if it works.. ready? 1.. 2... 3 GO. ...........HA, got ya! you all tried it and people walking past thought you were strange! NOT ME! I didn't try it... hahahah. Cheese cake! I actually didn't get any satisfaction out of that having not seen you do it...

In Response

What do you think of when you think of a Stomach? A cow? A diet? Food? Cake? Sandwich? Ice Cream? Eggs? Bacon? Cheese? Lemons? Photoshop? A giant Liger? Throwing mashed potatoes at people knee caps? Painting "Pizza is azziP spelled backwards" on peoples car windshields? Stocking telamarketers? Oh and CHECK THIS OUT. I told you mac was good.

Left Overs

Have you ever noticed how impossible it would be for the owners of Clifford the Big Red Dog to raise him under normal sercomstanses©? (Now that was a good one.. the spell checker didn't even have any suggestions for it) Well they cant pull the wool over my eyes! I see whats going on! Emily Elizabeths dad is the head of the Mafia and he uses stolen money to pay for food and cement truck loads of itch ointment and dog hair removal experts and waist disposal units and pet insurance and those sardines he gets secretly to munch on while the rest of his family is sleeping.. and hotels and privet yachts ... AND did you know that Emily Elizabeth had to have surgery so that she wouldn't faint every time Clifford burped in her face or licked her!?
The next door neighbors actually live there because they were in trouble with the law and living next to Clifford is punishment. The reason everyone is so nice to the big red dog is because.. well.. isn't that funny how blood IS THE EXACT SAME COLOR!?!?! you get the point.

Back Feed

Last blog post was sorta lame... hows that for Back Feed©®? Oh, MAN! Now I'm hungry!!!

Wisdom of Words

It is an ancient proverb... wise men don't feed BlueRay® players to their pet ostrich.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Why frogs are really green

Its On My Mind

I have been thinking of odd things today... like naming random things.
Ok, so your out one night looking through your telescope... and you discover a giant astroid headed for earth. Scientists predict that it will completely destroy mankind... what would you name it? I'm thinking I would name mine "Cuddles" or "firry friend" or something..... NO NO, better yet... "The Liberal"

In Response

I bet THESE GUYS favorite color is red....

Left Overs

I don't have any left overs today.. bummer. I don't have much of anything really.. I just don't want to get out of the groove of posting...

Back Feed

Ok so yesterday I said "Enchanted" only gets 4 out of 10 stars... I'm going to make that 6 out of 10! It was good until the lady started acting "more human" close to the end... then it went downhill. Just wanted to get that off my chest... Another thing I want to get off my chest while I'm at it... When I was little I told a lady I didn't like her casserole... I... I... I lied. It was amazing!

Wisdom of Words

it is a fool who admites to himself that food is over rated.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Its On My Mind

So I'm attempting to revive the brilliant manuscripts which have for some time now been forgotten about by yours truly. (me). Some would venture to call these wondrous pages of literature "art". Others would go on to call them "Grand masterpieces in which immense brilliance took place on the writers part."So much so, have these great mind musing works of astounding thought compilations been forsaken, that at this very moment I am only endeavoring to revisit the bowels of these magnum-opus's because of shear lack of a present activity. My work is done elsewhere and I only wait... wait till the time when the phone line is free so I can check my email.. dude.
Because of my present circumstances, my mind borders on emptiness... therefor... this might be interesting. OK, I think I'm just going to pretty much jot down what pops in my head for all of our sakes. Wait... I was already doing that...
..... Yes, I think people look absolutely ridiculous when they take off their sox and yell "SAY HI TO MY FRIEND TOMMY THE PUPPET" and no I never have liked squash with maple syrup. Sure Johnny Depp is cool.... like a dead frozen fish... Yes I like egg-rolls.. its food isn't it!?!? Swallowing Gold fish before taking your pills is cheating... besides dork.. what does that have to do with anything? Some times when I cough, I cover my mouth with my feet... actually... not. Yes Soap is edible... if your some kind of freak... and who cares about that one thing!? did that ever stop John Wane?!? I wonder what that thing is behind you... I used to think the kind of toothpaste I used was directly related to the smell of my breath... dumb. Why don't people call wallets "money holder folder pocket things" "Let me grab my MHFPT before we go". If you don't like getting your picture taken, why even show your face in public? "I sat on a spring by a spring in the Spring"... hey cool, looky looky what I made up. Chicken tastes like frog legs.

In Response

I was reading this article.. thinking.. man, thats one brilliant guy.. finally a good use for dead cats. What a perspiration... I mean inspiration... I think I'm going to find out how to use cats as a substitute for baking soda! I would encourage everyone reading this to find your very own use for dead cats.
(By the way, I believe a Pence is about 1.33 cents. If its not... It should be! Therefor 15 Pence would be somewhere around $0.1995)

Left Overs.

So I was going to see "I am Legend" finally... which I was sorta looking forward to because of all these people telling me it was.. interesting.. SO, I went to the rental place.. and looked and looked for it... and then I remembered mom wanted to see "Enchanted" so I picked that up.. and kept looking for "I am Legend" but it was rented out! So.. I show up to the register with this chick-flick.. and nothing else... it was awkward. So heres the thing... I ended up watching the movie with the rest of the fam at dinner time. The first part was cheesy.. the middle was fine.. then it all went wacked near the end part of the movie. I would rate it 4 out of 10. OH, but my favorite character was Edward of course.. bet you don't know why :P But get this. The guy that acted the part is the son of one of my dads bizz partner dudes. So I'm practically one of his friends... you know.. even though I have never met him or his dad... all I would have to say is "Hey whats up dude? My dad works with your dad! Wanna give me some of your money since your probly filthy rich and I'm practically family?" I have it all planned out. But I think the movie over all was stupid. I don't like chick flicks...
Dude, I said "so" allot just now didn't I.

Back Feed

Merry Christmas!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! Happy Valentines day!!! Happy Easter/Reserection Sunday!!! Happy Birthday!!! Happy what ever i missed!!!
Ok, so last time I did anything in this it was December 1st. I decided to make like a hotdog and CATCHUP on my posts... hahahaha oh oh oh pffff guhuguguhahaah. *sigh*

Wisdom of Words

If a kid kicks you in the shin, don't cry in front of him.